Monday, February 6, 2012

Super Bowl XLVI Wrap Up

This central Indiana girl could not be happier. I barely slept last night, and I remain in blissful denial about the whole "Peyton" thing. To honor my favorite Patriots fan, Bill 'Sports Guy' Simmons, I shall now post my running diary of Super Bowl XLVI. Unfortunately, I neglected to put any timestamps or other markers by my randomly scribbled notes.

Oh-well, Alons-y!

PRE-GAME - START TIME APPROXIMATELY NOON

* It's always good to warm up prior to working out, and that's just what the Husband and I did. Hamstring stretch, roll the shoulders, and watch Manchester United draw with Chelsea 3-3 on FOX. Feeling good, feeling loose.

* Bob Costas is on my TV. A Bob Costas sighting means something important is happening. In the background I can see the Indianapolis zip lines. My city looks good on television, can't get enough.

* Who is the young guy in the suit talking to Bob Costas? Great camera presence, very articulate. Wait... no... is that the adorkable AARON RODGERS!?! So early in the day and we've already had a major upset! Not only is he a shockingly good TV personality, he knows how to wear a suit! GOLD STAR!

* All these shots of shiny, happy Indianapolis are making me homesick. May need to go on a Kleenex run before kickoff. Tony Dungy appears on screen, and I feel the irresistible urge to hug everything in my house.

* Can't help but notice they are keeping the "Peyton" references to a polite and tasteful minimum. Nonetheless, I have cried three times, and the game hasn't even started yet.

* Bob Costas mediated what may have been the most deliciously awkward conversation I've ever seen: Rodney Harrison and David Tyree breaking down the helmet catch together. Rodney was so devastated by that play that he retired. David never caught another ball in his career. Still, Costas keeps poking the bear. I can't help feeling like something violent happened as soon as the cameras turned off, wish I could find it on YouTube.

* HUNGER GAMES TRAILER! HUNGER GAMES TRAILER!

* First Belichick sighting of the day. He's wearing the gray hoodie. Bad sign, history shows he's nearly invincible in the gray hoodie. But, knowing him, he's watched the game film and figured this out for himself, so we'll never seen the red or blue hoodies ever again.

* Banner time, featuring Kelly Clarkson with backup vocals from what appears to be a children's choir. Uneventful, which is all we ever really need from a Banner performance. Strong showing by Kelly... wait... does she have the words written on the inside of her wrist, or is that a tattoo?

KICKOFF - APPROXIMATELY 6:30PM

* 'IT'S TIME IT'S TIME IT'S FINALLY TIME!' said by seven year old Bethy on Christmas morning and also 30 year old Bethy today.

* Giants receive to start the game. Already loving the predominately Giants crowd in Indy. The locals have been good and patient hosts all week and now it's time to get down to business. The forces of evil and darkness must be dealt with once and for all.

* They're not booing, they're saying Cruuuuuuuz.

* Wearing my lucky blue Colts hoodie. On 3rd and 13, Husband suggests I put up the hood, like a rally cap. Eli nearly murdered as a result. Husband shouts: 'NEVER WEAR THAT HOOD AGAIN!'

* First commercial break. Husband is damn near offended by the concept of 'platinum beer.' I'm a little befuddled by the Audi killing vampires. Suddenly distracted by the twitter trend #bbcsuperbowl. Apparently, a few sports fans overseas are watching the game between the hours of midnight and 4am - good job by them! While we in the States get commercials, the BBC is advert-free! They get analysts discussing the game in the studio instead. One of the analysts is Danny Amendola, receiver for the St Louis Rams. Had to look him up because I wasn't sure who he was. Curious to know how he got that ambassador gig. The UK ladies seem smitten, both with him and with his shoes.

* Back to action, and we get our first shot of Giselle in the pressbox. Immediately afterward, Brady intentional grounding call results in a SAFETY. Coincidence? Too soon to tell, too busy jumping around the house to care. Elton John falls down into the dungeon and Husband cracks up laughing at Flav. I can't help wondering how Danny Amendola is explaining the safety to the BBC.

* Catch and fumble nullified by 12 men on the field. Pats losing due to sloppiness? The Manning family needs to keep the number of whatever New Orleans witchdoctor they hired for this voodoo. 9-0, Giants.

* The fun-sized Danny Woodhead with a good kick return. Part of me started to shout “RUN IT BACK” but then I remembered who was playing and nearly swallowed my tongue. I’ve reached that over-stimulated point, and it’s still first quarter.

* Patriots field goal followed by a 'Prohibition is Over' ad. There's deep, liberating poetry here, but I'll have to think about it later. 9-3, Giants still leading.

* Trying to figure out when to fetch my Super Bowl fajita. Between the game, the commercials, the BBC twitter feed, and my phone blowing up, I’m on the brink of total mental shutdown. I should have DVR'd this.

* Question - isn't John Carter the guy from Terminator?

* Giants just look like the better team; makes me think the Patriots have us all right where they want us. This could end so very badly.

* Giants punt, commercial features David Beckham modeling undershorts. The #bbcsuperbowl feed is complaining about not being able to see the ads; maybe that would have changed their minds?

* Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth talking about how awesome Indianapolis has been as a Super Bowl host. Tearing up again, never did go on that Kleenex run.

* A CHAD OCHOCINCO SIGHTING... sort of. Pats making punter Zoltan Mesko work for a living. Enjoyed the pre-game piece on him, about how he fled war and communism in search of the American dream... and then became the Patriots Punter. Please tell me a job that better exemplifies the 'streets of gold' American dream than 'Patriots Punter' - you can't.

* Not a single Peyton Manning sighting thus far. Last time Eli was in the Super Bowl, we could have turned it into a drinking game. Maybe NBC’s keeping him in their pocket for added 4th quarter drama.

* Still 9-3, ~6 minutes to go in the half. Also, I’m thinking all of those people who insisted on taking the ‘over’ just turned off the game and visited their friendly neighborhood cinema to watch 'Man on a Ledge.' I don't know what that means.

* Punting, punting, and more punting. Patriots pinned inside the 5, 4 minutes to go. It’s fajita time.

* Star Wars 3-D commercial crushed my soul. I’m really afraid my day is about to take a nasty turn. Looking up showtimes for 'Man on a Ledge'...

* Call me Nostradamus. Patriots drive 96 yards to go ahead 10-9 just before half. I’m no longer having fun, but my fajita was delicious.

* The BBC viewers are getting bored (or sleepy/slap-happy). They’re tweeting ideas for #UKNFLteams. I couldn’t be happier about this distraction. I’m particularly fond of the Kent Clarks, the Liverpool Beetles, and the Greenwich Meantimes. And apparently the "London Blitz" is a real team!? That's one of the best team names I've ever heard!

HALFTIME

* Madonna enters Cleopatra-style and exists David Blaine-style. Nice to see them doing something different for a change. She's wearing She-Ra's headpiece, and I think she's regretting her shoe decision. All in all, I enjoyed it. And TIGHTROPE MAN!

My favorite part of every halftime show is when the performer gets to the final song in their set, and you can see the palpable RELIEF on their face. I think she had fun, more than that I think she took it really, really seriously. And I think she probably killed whats-her-face backstage with the heel of her boot as she hissed the word "amateur" through clenched teeth.

* I think Clint Eastwood just asked me if he had five bullet or six... I can't explain why, but now I'm inspired to go change the world.

SECOND HALF

* NBC leading into the 2nd half with Lady Gaga’s “On the Edge of Glory.” Please tell me that was hilarious to everyone.

* A LEGIT Ochocinco sighting! A CATCH even! Oh Ocho, if this is the last time we see each other, I hope we part as friends. And if you're serious about switching to soccer, I'd like to introduce you to this guy, his name's Mario Balotelli.

* Patriots score again almost immediately. 17-9 and I hate everything. I HATE EVERYTHING!

* Hakeem Nicks POPPED and quite possibly injured. I can’t see, I’m going numb, I want to go back to yesterday when everything was hopeful and righteous.

* Tynes with the field goal, 12-17. Trying to make friends via #bbcsuperbowl because it's cheaper than a therapist.

* Husband reverts to giggling twelve year old during the Fiat commercial, nodding at the woman regardless of what she says. He will proceed to discuss the impact of this commercial on his life for several days to come.

* Shot of Abby Manning in the press box. She doesn’t look happy. I’m not happy either. We’re the same.

* Another beautiful shot of Indy coming back from commercial. TOM BRADY, YOU WILL NOT RUIN MY DAY!

* Husband just discovered that he won a free large one toping pizza and a one liter Pepsi Maxx from Papa John's because the coin toss to start the game was heads. At least someone is having fun.

* Inspired by the optimistic tone of all of these commercials. Just heard Al Michaels shout DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!? YES AL! YES I DO!

* Tom Brady possibly injured his left shoulder. That wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for when I screamed at him to stop ruining my day. 17-12 Patriots, ~3 minutes left in the 3rd.

* Eli sacked again. Giants kicking field goal again. 15-17, Patriots.

* Tom Brady tries his best helmet catch impression, and gets intercepted. Be a leader, not a follower, Tommy.

* Brutal clock management by the Giants. After the timeout to avoid the delay of game, they false start. Double whammy.

* Non-interference call. Stupid. A wise woman once told me the ball always knows. It's true, Patriots fans. The ball always knows. *cue the ominous music*

* Waiting patiently for the makeup call, and realizing it’s still a 2 point difference. Man, those two points feel like 200 right now.

* MANNING TO MANNINGHAM!

* Long throw to Manningham challenged. Most impressive part: he almost fell right on Belichick and Big Bill didn’t even flinch. He could have ended up with Sean Payton’s Mobilegs, and he’s like, 'What?'

* Pats let Giants score on purpose in an evil genius move. We were like, YES YES YAYAY NOOOO! NOOOOO! And then I screamed, “May the football gods strike them down for their hubris! MAKE IT SO!”

* Less than a minute left, and Husband is rooting for the Patriots to march it down the field, leading to the following exchange:
ME: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON!?
Husband: I don't want them to win, I just WANT THE DRAMA!

And then I burst into flames.

* As the Patriots complete the 4th down conversion, I start Googling divorce attorneys, sighting 'irreconcilable differences.'

* BUT NO! The Hail Mary falls incomplete! The game is saved, my marriage is saved, the city of Indianapolis has been defended and I'm hugging my television with both arms and legs saying, "Thank you, Eli. Thank you. We will forever celebrate 'Little Brother Appreciation Day,' and our children's children will know your name."

The Giants may have walked away with the trophy, but I find it hard to believe ANYONE won bigger than the city of Indianapolis. Congrats to everyone in Indy for a job well done. For the Patriots reaction, this is all you need to know. And to any potential friends from #bbcsuperbowl, I hope Patriots/Rams works out for you next fall. We'll always have Danny Amendola.