The Colts lost and I don't care. In fact, I may have subliminally cheered against them, selfishly, to avoid the post-dramatic stress disorder I would have suffered in the wake of a Colts vs Peyton match-up. My boys beat three of the twelve playoff teams (Packers, Vikings, Texans), won eleven games (nine more than last season), and delivered one of the most memorable seasons I've ever been a part of, reminiscent of the 1994 Jim Harbaugh year, which created an awesome full-circle moment, since 'Captain Comeback' went on to coach Andrew Luck at Stanford.
A little bit of me wants to be happy for Ray Lewis, celebrating his final home game - an honor Peyton and Colts fans were denied. Despite Lewis's checkered past, I get why Ravens fans love him. After the Colts left for Indianapolis, football disappeared in Baltimore for around fifteen years. When the Ravens were brought back, Ray was their first franchise player (selected in the Ravens' first draft). And his first career sack was on Peyton Manning. Again, we come full circle.
And speaking of dear Peyton, I make no secret of what I want to happen next - a Broncos/Patriots AFC Championship game, if nothing else for old times sake, followed by a Broncos Super Bowl victory in Peyton's home town of New Orleans. That would make this my personal dream season; the only thing missing is Eli for the all-Manning final, but we've got to have a reason to keep watching next year.
If you haven't been following this season, there's still time to jump in. Here a cheatsheet to catch you up before Super Bowl party season.
(4) Baltimore Ravens at (1) Denver Broncos
Saturday Jan 12, 4:30pm EST CBS
A game of grizzled-old-falling-apart veterans. Peyton Manning has a frankenstein neck. Ray Lewis has a cyborg arm where his torn-tricep used to be. Peyton's running an eleven-game winning streak, and Ray's team was the preseason favorite to make the Super Bowl (they were a sneeze away from making the Super Bowl last year).
These two teams played each other December 16th in Baltimore, and the Broncos won 34-17. This game is in Denver, a mile above sea-level where the air is thin and dry and chilly, and Peyton likes to play fast. The Broncos can score more quickly than the Ravens (unless Boldin makes multiple long plays, like he did against the Colts last week, or Ed Reed picks Peyton off and runs the ball all the way back). Chances are the Ravens will have to play from behind and the Broncos will just grind them into something they can then sell at one of their special corner pharmacies. And once again, for the record, I will continue to believe Joe Flacco is an animagus until presented with irrefutable evidence to the contrary.
(3) Green Bay Packers at (2) San Francisco 49ers
Saturday Jan 12 8pm EST FOX
These two teams met the first week of the season, and the Niners won 30-22. That game featured replacement referees and quarterback Alex Smith, who used to make me irrationally angry until he was 'kaepernicked' by his backup, Colin Kaepernick. Now Alex Smith sideline-sightings just makes me sad. He lost his gig because he got a concussion, and the NFL's new kick (rightly so) is to protect guys who get concussions. Alex sat out, Kaepernick won in style, and the rest is history. For people like me on the look-out for sports-karma curses, watch this space.
And speaking of sports-karma, for the season to be complete, the Packers must win, and they must play the Seattle Seahawks in a rematch of the week 3 game that ended the use of replacement referees. The game must be replayed, and the prize must be the Super Bowl. It's the only logical thing to do.
(5) Seattle Seahawks at (1) Atlanta Falcons
Sunday Jan 13 1pm EST FOX
I hate watching the Falcons. I can't explain why, I just can't make myself do it. They've been the best team all season, at least in terms of wins and "on-paper" things. Matt "Matty-Ice" Ryan is a fine quarterback, but all of the Manning comparisons make my skin molt. Tony Gonzalez is a hall of fame tight end, and Julio Jones seems like a delightful addition to any 4th place fantasy team, but I can't get excited to watch them. I don't hate this team, I just want them to go away. That's why it's PERFECT that this may the only game I'll actually be able to watch this weekend.
In a year where rookie quarterbacks have been the sparkly storyline, Russell Wilson, Seattle's quarterback, is the last rookie standing. Every time he wins, I consider it a win for the Big Ten (we have to take what we can get). Wilson's a short, baby-faced, baseball player who was drafted in the thirty-sixth round of the NFL draft (or thereabouts), and was lucky enough to fall to a team that not only gave him a chance to play, but also had outstanding defense and special teams that helped him stand out.
All that being said, this team also features Golden Tate (receiver from Notre Dame responsible for the catch against Green Bay that ended the referee lockout), and coach Pete Carroll (the dude who fled USC like Leonardo DiCaprio in 'Catch Me If You Can' when they were slammed with NCAA violations). I can't WAIT to watch Green Bay beat them in the NFC Championship game.
(3) Houston Texans at (2) New England Patriots
Sunday Jan 13 4:30pm EST CBS
As a Colts fan, I feel terrible for the Texans. They've been in the league ten years, and for most of that, they had to face Peyton and the Colts twice each season. I learned recently that they consider the Colts their top rivals - we're their Patriots. And, because we beat them in week 17 and blew up their season, the camera zoomed in on the faces of the players on the bench like a Cinderella losing at the end of a March Madness basketball game. These guys are better than they get credit for. They (with Atlanta) were at the top of the standings all season, but they've never in franchise history won a game in Indianapolis, and so, they have to go play in Foxboro in January to keep their season alive. You don't have to be a Texan fan to see why that sux.
The Texans were booed by their home crowd during last week's wildcard game against the Bengals, even though they ended up winning. I feel like they've earned a shot at the Super Bowl, and lord knows I don't have it in me to root for the Patriots. Last season, I congratulated Houston on winning the AFC South and joked, 'Take good care of that playoff spot, we're gonna want it back soon.' Now, I can see Texans/Colts turning into a legit, two-sided rivalry, and I'm not sure I like it. Will we make each other stronger, like Duke and North Carolina? Or tear each other apart, like all the football teams in SEC not coached by Nick Saban? I don't know - and I'm not sure I want to find out.
Ergo, I'll be rooting for the underdog Texans, all the while secure in the knowledge that Manning v. Brady is just a week away. But the Texans aren't going anywhere. One of these seasons things will click into place for them, and they won't be a 'cute' little underdog anymore. I'm not looking forward to it.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Monday, November 19, 2012
2012 THANKSGIVING CHEATSHEET
Not really in on football? That's cool. But this Thanksgiving in households across America, football WILL be watched. Wouldn't you rather have dinner guests openly debating Tony Romo and Mark Sanchez's failures instead of yours?
Well, you've come to the right place! Here's a hastily thrown-together 2012 NFL THANKSGIVING CHEATSHEET, your one-stop source for easy talking points so you can spend your Thanksgiving holiday in peace... and maybe even accidentally enjoy yourself in the process.
But I gotta be honest with you: it's not exactly a killer lineup this year, lots of blow-out potential. As the Cowboys and Lions go, so goes Thanksgiving (especially since the retirement of the Madden turduckin, may all six of its legs rest in peace). I looked up the NBA schedule. And the NCAA schedules. And the international soccer schedules. This is the best we got, kids. Let's roll.
Houston at Detroit - 12:30 EST - CBS
Some holiday staples are sacred and eternal - and the Lions sucking on Thanksgiving Day is one of them. The Lions gave us a scare last year, when they were almost good, but now normal service has resumed. And Houston is a legitimate Super Bowl contender.
The Texans JUST survived an overtime scare on Sunday against Jacksonville, arguably the worst team in the league - I didn't watch the game, but it seems reasonable to question whether or not the Texans were going a little easy in hopes of surviving two games in five days with limited damage (especially considering how their season was destroyed by injuries last year - I mean, they were still competitive in the playoffs with their 3rd string quarterback - THAT'S how good they were). At this stage, the Texans just want to escape with their health, so the numbers on the scoreboard will be incidental.
A Few Quick Talking Points (or things you can shout at your TV):
* Watch for defender J.J. Watt (HOU) to SWAT a few of Matthew Stafford's 17,285 pass attempts. It looks a lot like a blocked shot in basketball.
* Calvin Johnson (DET) is still MEGATRON, even if he's only caught, like, one touchdown this season.
* Drink every time the Texans run the ball forward.
* Drink again every time the Lions do something petulant and/or borderline illegal. This includes their coach.
Washington at Dallas - 4:15 EST - FOX
This is the good game. If you watch only one, choose this one. Somebody has to win this division's playoff spot, and while we all know from previous experience it will be the New York Giants, these teams still have to keep it interesting a few more weeks.
Talking Points:
* The Redskins' rookie quarterback is fabulous fun to watch. His given name is Robert Griffin the Third. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to call him as many different nicknames as you can over the course of this game. RG3 is common. Bobby Three Sticks is another good one. Also, if they do any puff pieces on him in pregame or halftime, make sure to notice his socks.
* I in no way wish ill upon Cowboys' quarterback Tony Romo, but Kyle Orton is the backup and I would be endlessly delighted to have an Orton sighting on Thanksgiving Day.
* Drink every time they show Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan. He's the one who looks like a werewolf (credit to Bill Simmons).
New England at NY Jets - 8:20 EST - NBC
* When in doubt, just shout FREE TEBOW and run away.
Well, you've come to the right place! Here's a hastily thrown-together 2012 NFL THANKSGIVING CHEATSHEET, your one-stop source for easy talking points so you can spend your Thanksgiving holiday in peace... and maybe even accidentally enjoy yourself in the process.
But I gotta be honest with you: it's not exactly a killer lineup this year, lots of blow-out potential. As the Cowboys and Lions go, so goes Thanksgiving (especially since the retirement of the Madden turduckin, may all six of its legs rest in peace). I looked up the NBA schedule. And the NCAA schedules. And the international soccer schedules. This is the best we got, kids. Let's roll.
Houston at Detroit - 12:30 EST - CBS
Some holiday staples are sacred and eternal - and the Lions sucking on Thanksgiving Day is one of them. The Lions gave us a scare last year, when they were almost good, but now normal service has resumed. And Houston is a legitimate Super Bowl contender.
The Texans JUST survived an overtime scare on Sunday against Jacksonville, arguably the worst team in the league - I didn't watch the game, but it seems reasonable to question whether or not the Texans were going a little easy in hopes of surviving two games in five days with limited damage (especially considering how their season was destroyed by injuries last year - I mean, they were still competitive in the playoffs with their 3rd string quarterback - THAT'S how good they were). At this stage, the Texans just want to escape with their health, so the numbers on the scoreboard will be incidental.
A Few Quick Talking Points (or things you can shout at your TV):
* Watch for defender J.J. Watt (HOU) to SWAT a few of Matthew Stafford's 17,285 pass attempts. It looks a lot like a blocked shot in basketball.
* Calvin Johnson (DET) is still MEGATRON, even if he's only caught, like, one touchdown this season.
* Drink every time the Texans run the ball forward.
* Drink again every time the Lions do something petulant and/or borderline illegal. This includes their coach.
Washington at Dallas - 4:15 EST - FOX
This is the good game. If you watch only one, choose this one. Somebody has to win this division's playoff spot, and while we all know from previous experience it will be the New York Giants, these teams still have to keep it interesting a few more weeks.
Talking Points:
* The Redskins' rookie quarterback is fabulous fun to watch. His given name is Robert Griffin the Third. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to call him as many different nicknames as you can over the course of this game. RG3 is common. Bobby Three Sticks is another good one. Also, if they do any puff pieces on him in pregame or halftime, make sure to notice his socks.
* I in no way wish ill upon Cowboys' quarterback Tony Romo, but Kyle Orton is the backup and I would be endlessly delighted to have an Orton sighting on Thanksgiving Day.
* Drink every time they show Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan. He's the one who looks like a werewolf (credit to Bill Simmons).
New England at NY Jets - 8:20 EST - NBC
* When in doubt, just shout FREE TEBOW and run away.
Friday, November 9, 2012
I'm Not Ready for the Colts to be Good Again
Back in those days, winning always came as a delightful surprise, like finding a forgotten twenty dollar bill in your coat pocket, or getting sent home from school early because the power went out.
And then Peyton arrived, with his national TV commercials, league records, and playoff games. The Colts weren’t just a Central Indiana thing anymore. In December 2010, Peyton’s last year playing in Indy, a Harris Poll showed that the Colts were the second most popular team in the league, ‘America’s Team II’ ranked just behind the Cowboys.
I’m in no way anti-bandwagon (if it’s possible to have a ten year bandwagon journey), but I’m afraid of nurturing an Indy-blue fan base that takes winning for granted like some cult of SEC wackos. I was kind of looking forward to a few down years. A little suffering can galvanize a fan base; it prunes us, makes us appreciate our team in a different way (just ask the Cubs, Red Sox, or Manchester City). After spending my entire childhood cheering for three-win seasons, I spent the last decade wearing the same facial expression as Meryl Streep awaiting the ‘best actress’ announcement. I didn’t want to get USED to winning. I didn’t want to get to the point where wins were so expected that I didn’t FEEL them anymore.
Wins are 8,000 times better when they’re unexpected – those are the ones you remember years later. That’s why this season’s Colts/Packers game was so special. I’d take a team with tons of heart over an uber-talented team every single year, and let the wins and losses fall as they may. This year’s team is especially loveable, even if I can’t name half the players on the roster yet (is it true that T.Y. Hilton’s first name is actually Eugene?).
I in no way wish they’d lost any of these games. In fact, I’m still bitter Jacksonville beat us at home. But when you do the math, you’ll see the reason for my mixed emotions. The universe is a cold, cruel place. Observe the Colts’ remaining schedule:
Indianapolis at New England, 4pm game – By their usual standards, the Pats have been herky-jerky all year, but this game is in New England. They’ll probably just [CHOMP] and then throw us out in the parking lot to rot (just like old times, guys!). Let’s hope nothing happens this week that makes them mad. (Prediction: Loss)
Buffalo at Indianapolis – As much as the Colts have over-achieved, the Bills have under-achieved. This game feels winnable, especially since it’s in Indy. (Prediction: Win)
Indianapolis at Detroit – The NFC is obviously better than the AFC this year, but Detroit has been another under-achiever so far (so glad I didn’t keep Calvin Johnson for fantasy purposes). Still, can’t count on it. (Prediction: Loss)
Tennessee at Indianapolis – At the risk of sounding like a jerk, if we don’t win, I’ll be disappointed. (Prediction: Win)
Indianapolis at Houston – Let’s just pretend this game isn’t happening. Still haven’t healed from the Kerry Collins experience last year. (Prediction: Loss)
Indianapolis at Kansas City – I have nothing to add. (Prediction: Win)
Houston at Indianapolis – The Texans will hopefully be resting their starters by now. Might be nice to be on the opposite side of one of those for a change. Plus, we have hopes of a ‘Coach Chuck returns to the sidelines’ bounce. (Prediction: Win)
So the Colts *could* win 10 games this season. Repeat: ten wins is not outside the realm of possibility.
When St. Peyton left, we were promised that we wouldn’t have to worry about this for awhile. We were free to cheer for him in Denver with a clear conscience while the new baby Colts rebuilt the monster. Andrew Luck was supposed to come into his own about the time Peyton gracefully exited stage left with another Lombardi or two in his pocket. That was the plan. We made peace with it. Instead, we’re getting a smorgasbord of punny ‘Luck’ headlines and it’s only week 10. I’M NOT READY. Not for this.
If the season ended today, the Broncos and Colts would play each other wildcard weekend. What did the good people of Indianapolis do to deserve this? Were we just a little too proud of our Super Bowl hosting performance? Did we pat ourselves on the back a little too long? OKAY! We’re SORRY! Next time we’ll play it cool.
Some might accuse us of having ‘rich fan problems’ because in the case of a Colts/Broncos playoff game, no matter what happens, someone we love will win. But let me tell you, I’ve been in this situation before and it sux (with an “X”).
I attended Purdue University at the same time as Drew Brees. Though we never met, he was my first true love, back before I knew Peyton existed (that’s why it doesn’t count as cheating). When the Saints and Colts met in the Super Bowl, I was giddy – until the 4th quarter started and the sick feeling in my stomach reminded me that no matter what happened, someone I loved would suffer the Super Bowl loser’s curse. (Four neck surgeries and a bounty scandal later, it appears somehow the curse got them both. I blame myself.)
There’s still time for a Colts late season collapse to return the universe to proper working order, but I can’t make myself root for it. I love this team. I love how they over-achieve and celebrate winning and fight for their coach. I love how the whole country seems to have embraced them again, and I love, love, love Andrew Luck in all his good-as-advertised throat-stomping glory. Hell, I’ll drive the bandwagon myself so long as it’s not a stick shift. But please know, when the inevitable Colts/Broncos match-up comes, I will gnaw my throw pillows into feathery mulch because I can’t root against Peyton. I can’t, I won’t, and I DON’T HAVE TO. Sports bigamy’s a bitch. Judge me if you must.
Friday, October 26, 2012
The Supplemental Novella Trend
I prefer reading long books (though I still haven't been brave enough to pick up GAME OF THRONES). I want to read CALICO JOE by John Grisham, but every time I look at it, I think, "why is this book so short?" and then I put it back down. Stupid, but true. I'm not a big fan of novellas, short stories, or novelettes when they're intended to stand alone.
But, the popularity of e-books has opened the door for savvy writers to keep their readers engaged between novel releases with electronic novellas/novelettes that supplement their series - and that, I think, is genius. What makes these shorter products work for me? They have the same finished, polished feel as their parent novels, and they add to stories I already want to know more about. Here are a few examples of supplemental/companion e-novellas I've come across:
SHADOW CATS by Rae Carson
I adore Rae Carson's work. GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS was probably my favorite book I read last year, and CROWN OF EMBERS was a highly enjoyable second effort. My only complaint was that, since I purchased book two in e-book form, I didn't notice I was getting close to the end. When the cliffhanger came, I flailed right over the ledge. And then I sent Rae an angry fan tweet, because I'm a mature Twitter user.
To cope with my cliffhanger distress, I grabbed up SHADOW CATS, which is a prequel to the series told from the main character's sister's point of view (not a particularly warm, beloved character in the series, but one with an interesting perspective).
What I love about Rae's writing style is that I never feel tempted to rush though anything. Each scene is good enough on its own, I'm not flying through the pages trying to find anticipated answers. SHADOW CATS was too short, and the plot doesn't have the same richness that the longer works have. It didn't give me the same amount of satisfaction, but I still got engrossed in the moment. It didn't reveal anything extraordinary, or build on the plot. If you skipped it, it wouldn't affect your enjoyment of the series as a whole. It's just a supplement - a bonus - and her writing style is especially well suited to this format.
SHADOW CATS does exactly what it's supposed to do - it gives you a peek into another corner of the world Rae built, and an opportunity to see into the mind of another character in that world. I'd love to see Rae do more of these; I trust her in this format.
DESTROY ME by Tahereh Mafi
I'll be interested to see whether or not this was truly just a supplement, or whether this actually did feed us subtle plot pieces that we'll need to know going forward. DESTROY ME is basically a collection of scenes told from Warner's first person point of view, and it works hard to build him as a sympathetic figure without stripping him of his villain role in the story. You wonder if he's redeemable... or if you even WANT him to be redeemable. It rounds him out and makes him feel more real.
I enjoyed reading this, which is surprising seeing as how it doesn't really have a stand-alone plot (something that I normally find infuriating). It's a different style than SHATTER ME, which helps you to appreciate how well done (and complicated) Tahereh's first book was. This supplemental novella is a perfect vehicle for her style. I'd buy episode after episode from her, even if she never wrote another full length novel.
FREE FOUR by Veronica Roth
I haven't read this one, but from what I understand about it, it's a little different approach which I think has a lot of potential. She rewrote part of her previously published book DIVERGENT from the point of view of one of her other characters. It made me think this concept of a supplemental e-book would have been delightful back when the TWILIGHT series was still in progress. Remember that leaked version that was all told from Edward's point of view? Everyone I talked to said they liked it better than the version that was actually published. Part of me wonders if that wasn't part of the original catalyst for the influx of electronic bonus content.
These tiny supplements give authors the freedom to take tangents. They let us see through another character's perspective, expand the world. They keep readers engaged by reminding us that more is coming. It's an appetizer - the kind that makes you a little angry when it's done and you're still hungry. I think these little e-novellas work best in a fantasy/action type of genre - the kind of setting that would benefit from giving us a wider angle lens to look through for awhile. But maybe I'm being short-sighted. Would this be effective for writers such as Stephanie Perkins or Miranda Kennealy, especially since their books aren't exactly series, but rather stand-alones that occur in the same living space? (A little research reveals that Miranda does have a novella - the list keeps growing).
Some other supplementals I'd like to see...
* I'm a snob when it comes to dual first-person narratives, so I think this might offer a nice alternative in some future instances. Imagine using shorter episodic e-books to reformat something like the NEVER SKY series (which I love... and which, by the way, DOES have a supplement), or the MATCHED series (which I enjoyed as a single narrator but struggled with once it went dual). Maybe even the ACROSS THE UNIVERSE series, although I think it's phenomenal. I just feel like if a story is complicated enough that it demands two first-person points of view, then there might be an opportunity to grow and round things out with supplemental materials.
* The Chemical Garden Series. I was lukewarm on WITHER, (book one), but I adored FEVER (book 2). On Goodreads, I did find a "Wither 1.5" e-book called SEEDS OF WITHER, a prequel. I'd prefer to read something from Linden's point of view, given the option. In my imagination, it would probably be somewhat like DESTROY ME, which as I mentioned above, was a very smart product on the part of the Mafi.
* The SHADOW AND BONE series. A quick GoodReads search reveals that a 32-page 'companion' exists for this one, too, sooo I'm gonna have to wrap up this post and get to that.
* I know Cassie Clare and writers of her ilk have released extra content on their websites in the past. I'm not sure if these are quite the same thing, but it is very fan-friendly to offer up work for free.
* I'd like to see what the likes of Maureen Johnson and John Green would do with little e-novellas. I feel like that forum would give them an element of freedom their creative minds might enjoy taking advantage of... but then again, at this stage of their careers, they've already chosen other ways to supplement their fans' appetites (John has his vlogs, and Maureen is a tweeting machine and t-shirt designer).
What supplements would you like to see? Who has already done a good one that I left out? My theory that these novellas are best used for 'world building' is probably egregiously narrow, especially since DESTROY ME was basically a character study - how else could these be used to keep readers engaged between releases? What's the down side to supplemental novellas? Do you think they're worth the $1.99 - $2.99 price tag?
But, the popularity of e-books has opened the door for savvy writers to keep their readers engaged between novel releases with electronic novellas/novelettes that supplement their series - and that, I think, is genius. What makes these shorter products work for me? They have the same finished, polished feel as their parent novels, and they add to stories I already want to know more about. Here are a few examples of supplemental/companion e-novellas I've come across:
SHADOW CATS by Rae Carson
I adore Rae Carson's work. GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS was probably my favorite book I read last year, and CROWN OF EMBERS was a highly enjoyable second effort. My only complaint was that, since I purchased book two in e-book form, I didn't notice I was getting close to the end. When the cliffhanger came, I flailed right over the ledge. And then I sent Rae an angry fan tweet, because I'm a mature Twitter user.
To cope with my cliffhanger distress, I grabbed up SHADOW CATS, which is a prequel to the series told from the main character's sister's point of view (not a particularly warm, beloved character in the series, but one with an interesting perspective).
What I love about Rae's writing style is that I never feel tempted to rush though anything. Each scene is good enough on its own, I'm not flying through the pages trying to find anticipated answers. SHADOW CATS was too short, and the plot doesn't have the same richness that the longer works have. It didn't give me the same amount of satisfaction, but I still got engrossed in the moment. It didn't reveal anything extraordinary, or build on the plot. If you skipped it, it wouldn't affect your enjoyment of the series as a whole. It's just a supplement - a bonus - and her writing style is especially well suited to this format.
SHADOW CATS does exactly what it's supposed to do - it gives you a peek into another corner of the world Rae built, and an opportunity to see into the mind of another character in that world. I'd love to see Rae do more of these; I trust her in this format.
DESTROY ME by Tahereh Mafi
I'll be interested to see whether or not this was truly just a supplement, or whether this actually did feed us subtle plot pieces that we'll need to know going forward. DESTROY ME is basically a collection of scenes told from Warner's first person point of view, and it works hard to build him as a sympathetic figure without stripping him of his villain role in the story. You wonder if he's redeemable... or if you even WANT him to be redeemable. It rounds him out and makes him feel more real.
I enjoyed reading this, which is surprising seeing as how it doesn't really have a stand-alone plot (something that I normally find infuriating). It's a different style than SHATTER ME, which helps you to appreciate how well done (and complicated) Tahereh's first book was. This supplemental novella is a perfect vehicle for her style. I'd buy episode after episode from her, even if she never wrote another full length novel.
FREE FOUR by Veronica Roth
I haven't read this one, but from what I understand about it, it's a little different approach which I think has a lot of potential. She rewrote part of her previously published book DIVERGENT from the point of view of one of her other characters. It made me think this concept of a supplemental e-book would have been delightful back when the TWILIGHT series was still in progress. Remember that leaked version that was all told from Edward's point of view? Everyone I talked to said they liked it better than the version that was actually published. Part of me wonders if that wasn't part of the original catalyst for the influx of electronic bonus content.
These tiny supplements give authors the freedom to take tangents. They let us see through another character's perspective, expand the world. They keep readers engaged by reminding us that more is coming. It's an appetizer - the kind that makes you a little angry when it's done and you're still hungry. I think these little e-novellas work best in a fantasy/action type of genre - the kind of setting that would benefit from giving us a wider angle lens to look through for awhile. But maybe I'm being short-sighted. Would this be effective for writers such as Stephanie Perkins or Miranda Kennealy, especially since their books aren't exactly series, but rather stand-alones that occur in the same living space? (A little research reveals that Miranda does have a novella - the list keeps growing).
Some other supplementals I'd like to see...
* I'm a snob when it comes to dual first-person narratives, so I think this might offer a nice alternative in some future instances. Imagine using shorter episodic e-books to reformat something like the NEVER SKY series (which I love... and which, by the way, DOES have a supplement), or the MATCHED series (which I enjoyed as a single narrator but struggled with once it went dual). Maybe even the ACROSS THE UNIVERSE series, although I think it's phenomenal. I just feel like if a story is complicated enough that it demands two first-person points of view, then there might be an opportunity to grow and round things out with supplemental materials.
* The Chemical Garden Series. I was lukewarm on WITHER, (book one), but I adored FEVER (book 2). On Goodreads, I did find a "Wither 1.5" e-book called SEEDS OF WITHER, a prequel. I'd prefer to read something from Linden's point of view, given the option. In my imagination, it would probably be somewhat like DESTROY ME, which as I mentioned above, was a very smart product on the part of the Mafi.
* The SHADOW AND BONE series. A quick GoodReads search reveals that a 32-page 'companion' exists for this one, too, sooo I'm gonna have to wrap up this post and get to that.
* I know Cassie Clare and writers of her ilk have released extra content on their websites in the past. I'm not sure if these are quite the same thing, but it is very fan-friendly to offer up work for free.
* I'd like to see what the likes of Maureen Johnson and John Green would do with little e-novellas. I feel like that forum would give them an element of freedom their creative minds might enjoy taking advantage of... but then again, at this stage of their careers, they've already chosen other ways to supplement their fans' appetites (John has his vlogs, and Maureen is a tweeting machine and t-shirt designer).
What supplements would you like to see? Who has already done a good one that I left out? My theory that these novellas are best used for 'world building' is probably egregiously narrow, especially since DESTROY ME was basically a character study - how else could these be used to keep readers engaged between releases? What's the down side to supplemental novellas? Do you think they're worth the $1.99 - $2.99 price tag?
Friday, October 12, 2012
The DAMNED UTD is One of the Best Books I've Ever Read
I read a lot of books, usually young adult fiction because it gives me the highest percentage of reader satisfaction. Too many times when I read "grown up" books, I end up feeling frustrated with my experience due to any number of factors: slow pacing, unexpected explicitness, etc. (I'm a PG-13 kind of girl and get sad when things sneak up on me.) With YA, I feel like I have a good handle on predicting what I'm going to get and knowing when I want to take a reading risk.
All that being said, in my new quest to learn about soccer, I took a chance on a grown up book: THE DAMNED UTD by David Peace. There were red flags everywhere that this was NOT going to be my thing (if you find a copy, open to any page at random and count the number of [bleeps] you find, I'd set the over/under at six; might make for a fun drinking game).
This book fascinated me on a few different levels. For one, I guess I'd call it historical fiction. It's a novel, but it's told through the half-crazed mind of a real-life soccer player turned coach. I have no idea how much of it's true and how much was contrived for dramatic purposes. I also have no idea how much of it I didn't understand because I'm still learning what soccer is. But the way the story was woven together was so compelling that I knocked it out during a sick day while lounging in a giant beanbag chair gulping down medicinal teas instead of napping.
What made THE DAMNED UTD such a page-turner was the complexity of its structure - it flicks back and forth in time and switches between first and second person without changing narrators. The 'present' is brought to you in the first person ravings of our coach as he starts his new job. The 'past' shoves you inside his brain/body/soul, using second person to explain how he became the insecure disaster that he is (and possibly asserting that you, fair reader, might have done the same). 'You' feel his career ending injury. 'You' feel his need to be loved and accepted. 'You' feel the hubris that pushes him to take the job coaching Leeds, his bitterest enemy, while the first person makes you wonder whether or not he's destroying the team on purpose.
The first person made me hate him. The second person made me love him. The tension between the two was stunning.
This story both delighted me as a reader (and made my eyes bleed a little), and it also challenged me as a writer. Could I put together a complicated framework like this? Would I ever, ever, ever be brazen enough to try writing in second person, let alone good enough to pull it off? This is not a short book, and Peace kept a level of half-crazed intensity throughout the whole thing. At one point, I asked myself aloud, "How many drafts did this take!?" And then I coughed and had some more tea. It's an excellent book to have with tea, even if our narrator is slogging back tumblers of juicier stuff, usually with a tobacco chaser.
My recommendation to any aspiring writer out there: See if your library has a copy of this book, or if they can at least locate a copy for you (I bought it for $9 on e-reader with no regrets). Even if you care nothing about soccer and are put off by harsh language (like me), pick it up and look through it enough to see the brilliance of how it's put together. I've not found another book quite like it, and the snug fit of the puzzle pieces was more than worth the risk for me. Just... don't say I didn't warn you about the language. If you imagine it in a polite English accent, it somehow makes it better.
All that being said, in my new quest to learn about soccer, I took a chance on a grown up book: THE DAMNED UTD by David Peace. There were red flags everywhere that this was NOT going to be my thing (if you find a copy, open to any page at random and count the number of [bleeps] you find, I'd set the over/under at six; might make for a fun drinking game).
This book fascinated me on a few different levels. For one, I guess I'd call it historical fiction. It's a novel, but it's told through the half-crazed mind of a real-life soccer player turned coach. I have no idea how much of it's true and how much was contrived for dramatic purposes. I also have no idea how much of it I didn't understand because I'm still learning what soccer is. But the way the story was woven together was so compelling that I knocked it out during a sick day while lounging in a giant beanbag chair gulping down medicinal teas instead of napping.
What made THE DAMNED UTD such a page-turner was the complexity of its structure - it flicks back and forth in time and switches between first and second person without changing narrators. The 'present' is brought to you in the first person ravings of our coach as he starts his new job. The 'past' shoves you inside his brain/body/soul, using second person to explain how he became the insecure disaster that he is (and possibly asserting that you, fair reader, might have done the same). 'You' feel his career ending injury. 'You' feel his need to be loved and accepted. 'You' feel the hubris that pushes him to take the job coaching Leeds, his bitterest enemy, while the first person makes you wonder whether or not he's destroying the team on purpose.
The first person made me hate him. The second person made me love him. The tension between the two was stunning.
This story both delighted me as a reader (and made my eyes bleed a little), and it also challenged me as a writer. Could I put together a complicated framework like this? Would I ever, ever, ever be brazen enough to try writing in second person, let alone good enough to pull it off? This is not a short book, and Peace kept a level of half-crazed intensity throughout the whole thing. At one point, I asked myself aloud, "How many drafts did this take!?" And then I coughed and had some more tea. It's an excellent book to have with tea, even if our narrator is slogging back tumblers of juicier stuff, usually with a tobacco chaser.
My recommendation to any aspiring writer out there: See if your library has a copy of this book, or if they can at least locate a copy for you (I bought it for $9 on e-reader with no regrets). Even if you care nothing about soccer and are put off by harsh language (like me), pick it up and look through it enough to see the brilliance of how it's put together. I've not found another book quite like it, and the snug fit of the puzzle pieces was more than worth the risk for me. Just... don't say I didn't warn you about the language. If you imagine it in a polite English accent, it somehow makes it better.
Soccer and being in on the joke
A little over a year ago I decided to like soccer. I was stupid about it. I'm still stupid about it, but I know enough now to feel like I'm in on the joke, which is really all I ever want out of life.
One of my co-workers is a distinguished white-haired English gentleman. In my very early soccer days (like, when I was still figuring out what 'injury time' was), I made conversation with him by asking, "Which team do you support?" He shook his head with a laugh and told me to guess. "I don't even know the team names," I protested. So he let me off the hook and told me he supported Chelsea. He said it as though it should have meant something to me, but I didn't get the joke.
A few months later I started to get it. Last season (maybe every season) Chelsea was a white-hot soap opera of a mess. Their team captain was taken to court on racism charges. Their highly paid scorer developed a tortuous mental block and couldn't hit anything but the goal frame (I decided to name him Sad Fernando because, well, he looked sad). Their thirty-three year old coach always wore the same clothes, regardless of the weather... until he was fired mid-season. Their oil-baron owner reminded me of George Steinbrenner on steroids and their general aura reminded me of the Hollywood Lakers. An odd match indeed for my distinguished Uncle Chelsea.
Midway through the season, I'd decided to try cheering for Everton - a scrappy team from Liverpool (birthplace of the Beatles) that seemed stuck in perpetual underdog status and tended to play some American players (not to mention their uniforms are COLTS BLUE). I mentioned it to Uncle Chelsea in passing. He shouted at me. "EVERTON!? What are you mad!?"
The more he teased me, the more attached I got. I loved it enough to drag myself out of bed pre-7am on Saturdays. There's very little in life I love that much. VERY little.
European soccer holds a tournament each year that reminds me of our NCAA March Madness - the best teams from each country qualify to compete against each other in the Champions League. Chelsea took its drama on the road, traipsing around Europe until they inexplicably won the whole thing.
That's right - Uncle Chelsea's team was crowned Champions of Europe in the year of our Lord 2012 A.D. He didn't say a word to me about it. As far as I know, he didn't say a word to anyone. He just hung up a new decoration in his office.
So I, um, improved it for him.
It took him a little while to notice. When he did, he stormed into my cube and slapped the post-its down on my desk, having done a little redecorating of his own. I could not have been more delighted. Those post-its are still hanging on my cube wall, simultaneously taunting and motivating me.
Weeks and months passed. The London Olympics came and went. A new season began. Chelsea's still in first place, as tabloidy as ever.
But...
A couple of weeks ago, Everton was in second.
Uncle Chelsea came into my cube, pointed at my prominently displayed post-its and declared, "Well, we know who's in first, don't we."
And even now, as I pass his office on my way to the parking lot, he'll shout, "EVERTON ARE GOING TO LOSE THIS WEEKEND!"
Half the fun is being in on the joke; the rest is having others willing to share it.
One of my co-workers is a distinguished white-haired English gentleman. In my very early soccer days (like, when I was still figuring out what 'injury time' was), I made conversation with him by asking, "Which team do you support?" He shook his head with a laugh and told me to guess. "I don't even know the team names," I protested. So he let me off the hook and told me he supported Chelsea. He said it as though it should have meant something to me, but I didn't get the joke.
A few months later I started to get it. Last season (maybe every season) Chelsea was a white-hot soap opera of a mess. Their team captain was taken to court on racism charges. Their highly paid scorer developed a tortuous mental block and couldn't hit anything but the goal frame (I decided to name him Sad Fernando because, well, he looked sad). Their thirty-three year old coach always wore the same clothes, regardless of the weather... until he was fired mid-season. Their oil-baron owner reminded me of George Steinbrenner on steroids and their general aura reminded me of the Hollywood Lakers. An odd match indeed for my distinguished Uncle Chelsea.
Midway through the season, I'd decided to try cheering for Everton - a scrappy team from Liverpool (birthplace of the Beatles) that seemed stuck in perpetual underdog status and tended to play some American players (not to mention their uniforms are COLTS BLUE). I mentioned it to Uncle Chelsea in passing. He shouted at me. "EVERTON!? What are you mad!?"
The more he teased me, the more attached I got. I loved it enough to drag myself out of bed pre-7am on Saturdays. There's very little in life I love that much. VERY little.
European soccer holds a tournament each year that reminds me of our NCAA March Madness - the best teams from each country qualify to compete against each other in the Champions League. Chelsea took its drama on the road, traipsing around Europe until they inexplicably won the whole thing.
That's right - Uncle Chelsea's team was crowned Champions of Europe in the year of our Lord 2012 A.D. He didn't say a word to me about it. As far as I know, he didn't say a word to anyone. He just hung up a new decoration in his office.
So I, um, improved it for him.
It took him a little while to notice. When he did, he stormed into my cube and slapped the post-its down on my desk, having done a little redecorating of his own. I could not have been more delighted. Those post-its are still hanging on my cube wall, simultaneously taunting and motivating me.
Weeks and months passed. The London Olympics came and went. A new season began. Chelsea's still in first place, as tabloidy as ever.
But...
A couple of weeks ago, Everton was in second.
Uncle Chelsea came into my cube, pointed at my prominently displayed post-its and declared, "Well, we know who's in first, don't we."
And even now, as I pass his office on my way to the parking lot, he'll shout, "EVERTON ARE GOING TO LOSE THIS WEEKEND!"
Half the fun is being in on the joke; the rest is having others willing to share it.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
NFL101 - Football Basics to Start the 2012 Season
For years I was interested in soccer, even though I knew nothing about it. I didn't know the rules or the teams or even when the games were played. But then, last fall Grantland debuted and I at last discovered a resource that opened the Premier League to me like a Doctor Who parallel universe. I can't get enough.
And it occurred to me - what if there is someone out there like me asking the same questions about American gridiron football? I got a little taste of that following the BBC Super Bowl coverage on Twitter as fans several timezones away watched the game and tried to figure out what was happening. But how could they properly enjoy it when they had no background, when they didn't have a baseline on which to judge what they were seeing? How were they supposed to know who to root for? And should I have felt sorry that they missed all the Super Bowl commercials!?
There are a LOT of NFL writers out there, but so many of them deal with the HERE and the NOW with lots of NAMES and NUMBERS and technical strategic jargon. I wanted to try breaking it down to more basic pieces and parts, much like the Men In Blazers did for me. If you happen to stumble across this page and have any questions or interest, I encourage you to ask (post a comment or email me, address is in the sidebar) and I'll do my best to answer. It may not be 'the beautiful game' but it is the Greatest Show on Turf.
WHAT IS THE NFL?
It stands for National Football League. The League is made up of two conferences, the National Football Conference (NFC) and the American Football Conference (AFC). The history behind this is boring, so let's just keep going.
There are 32 teams in the league, 16 in each conference. Each conference is broken into 4 divisions by geography: North, South, East, West. I've learned SO MUCH about British geography since I started following the Premier League, so maybe this could help tutor American geography in a similar way, if one was inclined to learn. The teams all kind of reflect the culture of their city, too. Like how old married couples end up looking alike.
WHAT TEAMS ARE IN THE LEAGUE?
Well, over the decades, this has changed, even though American sports don't do "relegation" the way leagues in other parts of the world do. American teams are very businessy, so teams will occasionally move from city to city in search of better markets - technically the team is the same, but it might be called something different. We can get into that nitty-gritty later, but here's how the league has looked for about the last ten years:
WHEN IS THE NFL SEASON AND HOW DOES IT WORK?
I'm so glad you asked! The season is just starting!
The NFL season is broken into three parts: Preseason, Regular Season, and Playoffs.
Preseason includes four games, one game a week, usually during the month of August. These preseason games are mainly for new players to 'audition' to make the team. The star players rarely play in these, and the wins/losses do not count.
The Regular Season is 17 weeks, running roughly from the first week in September through Christmas/New Years. Teams play one game a week for a total of 16 games, with one week off in the middle there somewhere (it varies). Weeks off are called "bye" weeks.
The Playoffs are the fun part. The winner of each AFC and NFC division qualifies, plus two "wild card" teams from each conference for a total of 12 playoff teams. The teams are ranked 1-6 for each conference and there are brackets to decide who plays who. If you win, you advance, if you lose your season is over. The winners from each conference play each other in the Super Bowl, usually the first weekend in February.
Most games are played on Sundays, but there is always one game on Monday nights and I believe starting this year, they also have one game every Thursday night as well. The "big" game each week is televised at 8pm EST Sunday.
Sorry, that section had a lot of math. Let's try to have a little more fun from here on.
SO... HOW DO I KNOW WHO'S GOOD?
An excellent and timely question!
Really, it varies quite a bit from season to season, but some teams seem to always find a way to get the job done. However, even for bad teams there is always hope. No one gets relegated - in fact, the losing teams are almost rewarded, in a way - they get first pick of the new kids coming off the college football teams. It is not unusual for a team to 'bottom out' in order to acquire new talent in the draft.
Another way the NFL differs from European soccer - by rule all teams have the same amount of money to play with, so you can't just assume the New York teams will be good because they are rich. Everyone starts out with equal footing. From there, it becomes a chess match of tactics, executing game plans, and choosing the best talent. Some teams are obviously better at this than others. Perhaps a few lines on the culture of each team - all based on my very biased opinion.
MEET THE TEAMS
* Baltimore Ravens - Famous for having a very good defense. A relatively new team. They wear purple. Baltimore is a bit of a defensive fanbase in that they seem eager to perceive slights and react venomously. But they are great fans who love their team - and know how to properly hate some other teams (specifically Pittsburgh and Indianapolis).
* Cincinnati Bengals - Famous for being bad even when they're kind of good. Are often teased for their tiger-striped uniforms. Their quarterback Andy Dalton has such red hair that it is sometimes hard to tell if his orange helmet is on his head. This season they are very young and (I think) very enticing. Also, Cincy is my husband's favorite team, so I'm forced to follow them, no matter how dreary it gets.
* Cleveland Browns - An odd team in that it is both a very old team and the league's newest team. The Browns existed for decades in the industrial town of Cleveland; their stadium was full of rabid fans and was affectionately known as 'The Dog Pound' - but the owner actually moved the original "Browns" to Baltimore, renamed them the "Ravens", and then the NFL popped a brand new team there in its place. Why didn't they just plop a new team in Baltimore and leave the old Browns alone? I have no idea. But now the new Browns and the old Browns/Ravens play each other twice a year and the Ravens almost always win. Cleveland is a very depressed sports town with dreadful, dreadful luck.
* Pittsburgh Steelers - A very old, very successful team in another 'blue collar' town. The Steelers are one of those teams that's almost always good no matter what happens. If you saw the movie THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, the scene where they destroy the football stadium was filmed in the Steelers' stadium - and the football player that was running as the field collapsed around him was retired Steeler wide receiver Hines Ward.
* Houston Texans - One of those teams you kind of root for because you feel like they're overachieving and underachieving at the same time. There's just something a little adorable about them. This is another relatively 'new' team still building its legacy in the league.
* Indianapolis Colts - This is my team. Why did I choose them? Because I grew up near Indianapolis. Luckily for me, the team has been both likeable and successful through the majority of my fanhood (it was not always the case). The Colts are best known for two things: 1) They used to be Baltimore's team, and they were stolen in the dead of night in the early 1980's (accounting for why that fanbase seems rather sensitive even still - they STILL hate us, and I give them full marks for commitment). 2) Superstar quarterback Peyton Manning played for the Colts from 1998-2010 leading to several record breaking seasons. Though he's a Bronco now, he is still much, much beloved.
* Jacksonville Jaguars - Another relatively new team, founded in the mid-1990s. Sadly, the Jags are best known for having low attendance and constantly being rumored to be moving somewhere else (usually Los Angeles - America's second largest city does not have a team at the moment). They may become known as London's team - they'll be playing one game a year in Wembley for the next several years. They are primarily known for being an excellent rushing team (meaning they don't throw the ball a whole lot).
* Tennessee Titans - They are, unfortunately, best known for ALMOST winning the Superbowl that one time. They were stopped one yard from the winning score as the clock expired. They are sometimes good but always seem to be solidly mediocre.
* Buffalo Bills - A very old team in a very small town, tucked away in upper New York state. They are nothing at all like New York City. They have much more in common with Canada, and actually the Bills play some games in Toronto. Buffalo is known for lots and lots of snow. In the 1990s the Bills made it to the Super Bowl four years in a row. They lost all four of them.
* Miami Dolphins - Once a very proud franchise recently fallen on hard times. In 1972, the Dolphins recorded the only perfect season in league history. In the 80's and 90's, they had superstar quarterback Dan Marino, who set a ton of records but never won a Super Bowl. They've struggled to win ever since Marino retired.
* New England Patriots - In 2001 they won the Super Bowl as an underdog; since then, they've been a juggernaut. Their coach dresses in a gray hoodie and is often referred to as Yoda (he may be the closest thing the NFL has to an Alex Ferguson). Their quarterback Tom Brady is married to one of the world's top super models. They were once accused of cheating and responded by destroying the entire league that season (and came within about one minute of besting the 1972 Dolphins unbeaten record). They have a definite "eff you" chip on their shoulder, fitting nicely with the rest of the greater Boston area. And this season they have an exceptionally easy schedule. I hate the Patriots.
* New York Jets - The Jets are kind of the little brother New York Team. It's fun to make fun of the Jets. They're usually worth making fun of. If you heard of the mythical, magical "Tebow" last season, you can find him on the Jets now. Enjoy the show.
* Denver Broncos - A team I've always enjoyed, ever since they had quarterback John Elway back in the 80's and 90's. Now they have my Peyton Manning, so I like them even more. Probably the most interesting thing about Denver is their stadium - the city of Denver is literally one mile above sea level. The air is thinner. Kicked balls behave differently than they do in other cities. Crazy things happen at Mile High.
* Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City was once thought to be one of the toughest stadiums to play in. Their home fans are fantastic. However, they have struggled for a long time, so that crown may have passed (see Seattle farther down). To be honest... I don't know much about the Chiefs.
* Oakland Raiders - Their home stadium is known as "the black hole". I find Raiders fans terrifying. For those not as familiar with American geography, Oakland is right next to San Francisco, connected by the Golden Gate Bridge. But the two communities are very different. Oakland has something of a more, shall we say, 'thuggish' reputation. The Raiders are another team that's been rather miserable to follow for awhile.
* San Diego Chargers - Quite possibly the best uniforms in the league. Also known for being chronically slow starting, chronically underachieving, and in my opinion, a little unlikeable. I've heard several people say that their coach should have been fired several years ago, and yet here he is. I enjoy watching them collapse, but I'm a bad person.
* Chicago Bears - A very old, very popular team famous for it's defense. For years, YEARS they could not find a quarterback (like, they still reference their best quarterback as being a dude who played in the 1940's). Now, they may have finally found a guy - Jay Cutler, who I've referenced several times on this blog as being most fun to watch when things are going badly. Also their coach is named "Lovie" and is just as huggable as he sounds.
* Detroit Lions - A cursed franchise! I enjoy a good franchise curse. Has the curse finally been broken? Too early to tell. But they're a team who plays dirty and is having trouble being unlikeable at the moment, so I'd give that curse at least a little more time.
* Green Bay Packers - A very, very old team in a very, very small town. One of the premier teams in the league. Their fans in Northern Wisconsin are known as "cheeseheads" because the area is famous for its dairy farms. Arguably the best player in the league right now is Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers. I'd pick the Packers to win the championship this year.
* Minnesota Vikings - Another tortured fanbase! I don't recall the entire sad history, but I do know that two seasons ago their stadium roof collapsed under the weight of too much snow (the stadium was empty at the time) and their best player, a running back, is recovering from a torn ACL (knee injury). Another team rumored to possibly move to Los Angeles. At one time or another, every team has been rumored to be moving to Los Angeles. It's like a threat: Shape up or we'll move you to Los Angeles!!
* Atlanta Falcons - I don't know what it is about Atlanta, but their teams in all sports are always pretty good, and I still see them a blobs of beige. I apologize to Atlanta fans, but I know nothing about your teams and I have trouble even feeling bad about it. The best I've got is "Their quarterback is nicknamed 'Matty Ice' for reasons that aren't clear."
* Carolina Panthers - a relatively new team that lost to the Patriots a few years back during a Super Bowl best known for Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction. And now they have young quarterback sensation Cam Newton, which means just last year they were bad enough to earn the number one draft pick.
* New Orleans Saints - I have a special place in my heart for this team. One, they have Drew Brees, who went to my college, has been an exemplary citizen, and is just really fun to watch. Two, the team and the city were devastated by Hurricane Katrina in 2005, and it's been nothing short of miraculous to see what they've done since then. Three, they were one of the worst teams in the league for, like, 40 years. Now, they're rather scandalized because their defense is accused of purposefully trying to injure opposing players and paying bonuses for it - but there seems to be some argument on whether there is actually any evidence to back up this claim. All I know is I still love 'em. I choose to believe it's not true, for now at least.
* Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Their stadium is shaped like a pirate ship and when they score, they shoot off cannons. What more do you really need to know? Okay, as a bonus, I give you retired player Terry Tate.
* Dallas Cowboys - Probably the most famous team in the league. They are the richest team, have the coolest stadium, and often the biggest soap opera dramas. Their owner Jerry Jones is arguably more famous than any of the players. The Cowboys are always in the mix, but lately they've consistently fallen short.
* New York Giants - I thoroughly enjoy the Giants. Anything can happen at any time. You can win the lottery, you can end up in jail - and you won't know which is happening until the very last minute. Ladies and gentlemen: your defending Super Bowl Champs! They've already lost a game they were expected to win; they've got us right where they want us!
* Philadelphia Eagles - Some of the meanest, most passionate fans in American sports. Seriously, these fans once booed Santa Claus. Philly (the City of Brotherly Love) is a tough, tough place to play. Last year, they assembled what some called a "dream team" of star players... and they didn't even make the playoffs. Par for the course.
* Washington Redskins - Our team in the nation's capital. I'm sure they've been good in the past, but not while I've been paying attention. Their new quarterback is a twenty-two year old kid named Robert Griffin the Third, who could have been a world class hurdler but instead trained for football. They call him "RG3." His backup is former Super Bowl quarterback Rex Grossman, who I've heard some Redskins fans call "RG2." That is hilarious.
* Arizona Cardinals - Annnd we've reached the NFC West division, which has been painful to watch for several years now. Umm... Arizona plays on real grass, even though their stadium has a roof. The grass is wheeled outside during the day to get natural light and then wheeled back inside for the games. So that's pretty good, right?
* San Francisco 49ers - A team with a very rich tradition. Lots and lots of wins. They had two hall of fame quarterbacks in a row (Joe Montana and Steve Young). A former dynasty team. Now, they have the chance to be great again - they came within a dropped ball or two of the Super Bowl last year.
* Seattle Seahawks - The Seahawks as a team don't have a ton of interesting history that I know of, but their fans are amazing. Their outdoor stadium was specially constructed to maximize crowd noise down on the field, making it nearly impossible for visiting teams to hear each other. The last time the Seahawks were in a playoff game, the crowd was so loud that it registered on the Richtor Scale. And, at least according to Sports Guy Bill Simmons, they are underrated.
* St. Louis Rams - About ten years ago, they were known as "the greatest show on turf" - a powerhouse championship team that could score any time they wanted. Now... well, now they're finishing at the bottom of the league pretty consistently and have the honor of traveling all the way to Wembley in London to most likely get pounded by the Patriots. Their championship players retired and moved on, and they just haven't been able to rebuild as of yet. Rams receiver Danny Amendola actually helped host the BBC's Super Bowl coverage last season. Based on this alone, I drafted Danny for my fantasy team. Don't let me down, Danny.
Well, that's plenty for a first installment. If you watch only one game this week, watch Denver vs Pittsburgh Sept 9th 8pm EST - Peyton Manning's first game back from multiple neck surgeries and a year-and-a-half away from football. He's a hero and a treasure and I purchased many kleenex boxes for the occasion. There will be emotions.
And it occurred to me - what if there is someone out there like me asking the same questions about American gridiron football? I got a little taste of that following the BBC Super Bowl coverage on Twitter as fans several timezones away watched the game and tried to figure out what was happening. But how could they properly enjoy it when they had no background, when they didn't have a baseline on which to judge what they were seeing? How were they supposed to know who to root for? And should I have felt sorry that they missed all the Super Bowl commercials!?
There are a LOT of NFL writers out there, but so many of them deal with the HERE and the NOW with lots of NAMES and NUMBERS and technical strategic jargon. I wanted to try breaking it down to more basic pieces and parts, much like the Men In Blazers did for me. If you happen to stumble across this page and have any questions or interest, I encourage you to ask (post a comment or email me, address is in the sidebar) and I'll do my best to answer. It may not be 'the beautiful game' but it is the Greatest Show on Turf.
WHAT IS THE NFL?
It stands for National Football League. The League is made up of two conferences, the National Football Conference (NFC) and the American Football Conference (AFC). The history behind this is boring, so let's just keep going.
There are 32 teams in the league, 16 in each conference. Each conference is broken into 4 divisions by geography: North, South, East, West. I've learned SO MUCH about British geography since I started following the Premier League, so maybe this could help tutor American geography in a similar way, if one was inclined to learn. The teams all kind of reflect the culture of their city, too. Like how old married couples end up looking alike.
WHAT TEAMS ARE IN THE LEAGUE?
Well, over the decades, this has changed, even though American sports don't do "relegation" the way leagues in other parts of the world do. American teams are very businessy, so teams will occasionally move from city to city in search of better markets - technically the team is the same, but it might be called something different. We can get into that nitty-gritty later, but here's how the league has looked for about the last ten years:
WHEN IS THE NFL SEASON AND HOW DOES IT WORK?
I'm so glad you asked! The season is just starting!
The NFL season is broken into three parts: Preseason, Regular Season, and Playoffs.
Preseason includes four games, one game a week, usually during the month of August. These preseason games are mainly for new players to 'audition' to make the team. The star players rarely play in these, and the wins/losses do not count.
The Regular Season is 17 weeks, running roughly from the first week in September through Christmas/New Years. Teams play one game a week for a total of 16 games, with one week off in the middle there somewhere (it varies). Weeks off are called "bye" weeks.
The Playoffs are the fun part. The winner of each AFC and NFC division qualifies, plus two "wild card" teams from each conference for a total of 12 playoff teams. The teams are ranked 1-6 for each conference and there are brackets to decide who plays who. If you win, you advance, if you lose your season is over. The winners from each conference play each other in the Super Bowl, usually the first weekend in February.
Most games are played on Sundays, but there is always one game on Monday nights and I believe starting this year, they also have one game every Thursday night as well. The "big" game each week is televised at 8pm EST Sunday.
Sorry, that section had a lot of math. Let's try to have a little more fun from here on.
SO... HOW DO I KNOW WHO'S GOOD?
An excellent and timely question!
Really, it varies quite a bit from season to season, but some teams seem to always find a way to get the job done. However, even for bad teams there is always hope. No one gets relegated - in fact, the losing teams are almost rewarded, in a way - they get first pick of the new kids coming off the college football teams. It is not unusual for a team to 'bottom out' in order to acquire new talent in the draft.
Another way the NFL differs from European soccer - by rule all teams have the same amount of money to play with, so you can't just assume the New York teams will be good because they are rich. Everyone starts out with equal footing. From there, it becomes a chess match of tactics, executing game plans, and choosing the best talent. Some teams are obviously better at this than others. Perhaps a few lines on the culture of each team - all based on my very biased opinion.
MEET THE TEAMS
* Baltimore Ravens - Famous for having a very good defense. A relatively new team. They wear purple. Baltimore is a bit of a defensive fanbase in that they seem eager to perceive slights and react venomously. But they are great fans who love their team - and know how to properly hate some other teams (specifically Pittsburgh and Indianapolis).
* Cincinnati Bengals - Famous for being bad even when they're kind of good. Are often teased for their tiger-striped uniforms. Their quarterback Andy Dalton has such red hair that it is sometimes hard to tell if his orange helmet is on his head. This season they are very young and (I think) very enticing. Also, Cincy is my husband's favorite team, so I'm forced to follow them, no matter how dreary it gets.
* Cleveland Browns - An odd team in that it is both a very old team and the league's newest team. The Browns existed for decades in the industrial town of Cleveland; their stadium was full of rabid fans and was affectionately known as 'The Dog Pound' - but the owner actually moved the original "Browns" to Baltimore, renamed them the "Ravens", and then the NFL popped a brand new team there in its place. Why didn't they just plop a new team in Baltimore and leave the old Browns alone? I have no idea. But now the new Browns and the old Browns/Ravens play each other twice a year and the Ravens almost always win. Cleveland is a very depressed sports town with dreadful, dreadful luck.
* Pittsburgh Steelers - A very old, very successful team in another 'blue collar' town. The Steelers are one of those teams that's almost always good no matter what happens. If you saw the movie THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, the scene where they destroy the football stadium was filmed in the Steelers' stadium - and the football player that was running as the field collapsed around him was retired Steeler wide receiver Hines Ward.
* Houston Texans - One of those teams you kind of root for because you feel like they're overachieving and underachieving at the same time. There's just something a little adorable about them. This is another relatively 'new' team still building its legacy in the league.
* Indianapolis Colts - This is my team. Why did I choose them? Because I grew up near Indianapolis. Luckily for me, the team has been both likeable and successful through the majority of my fanhood (it was not always the case). The Colts are best known for two things: 1) They used to be Baltimore's team, and they were stolen in the dead of night in the early 1980's (accounting for why that fanbase seems rather sensitive even still - they STILL hate us, and I give them full marks for commitment). 2) Superstar quarterback Peyton Manning played for the Colts from 1998-2010 leading to several record breaking seasons. Though he's a Bronco now, he is still much, much beloved.
* Jacksonville Jaguars - Another relatively new team, founded in the mid-1990s. Sadly, the Jags are best known for having low attendance and constantly being rumored to be moving somewhere else (usually Los Angeles - America's second largest city does not have a team at the moment). They may become known as London's team - they'll be playing one game a year in Wembley for the next several years. They are primarily known for being an excellent rushing team (meaning they don't throw the ball a whole lot).
* Tennessee Titans - They are, unfortunately, best known for ALMOST winning the Superbowl that one time. They were stopped one yard from the winning score as the clock expired. They are sometimes good but always seem to be solidly mediocre.
* Buffalo Bills - A very old team in a very small town, tucked away in upper New York state. They are nothing at all like New York City. They have much more in common with Canada, and actually the Bills play some games in Toronto. Buffalo is known for lots and lots of snow. In the 1990s the Bills made it to the Super Bowl four years in a row. They lost all four of them.
* Miami Dolphins - Once a very proud franchise recently fallen on hard times. In 1972, the Dolphins recorded the only perfect season in league history. In the 80's and 90's, they had superstar quarterback Dan Marino, who set a ton of records but never won a Super Bowl. They've struggled to win ever since Marino retired.
* New England Patriots - In 2001 they won the Super Bowl as an underdog; since then, they've been a juggernaut. Their coach dresses in a gray hoodie and is often referred to as Yoda (he may be the closest thing the NFL has to an Alex Ferguson). Their quarterback Tom Brady is married to one of the world's top super models. They were once accused of cheating and responded by destroying the entire league that season (and came within about one minute of besting the 1972 Dolphins unbeaten record). They have a definite "eff you" chip on their shoulder, fitting nicely with the rest of the greater Boston area. And this season they have an exceptionally easy schedule. I hate the Patriots.
* New York Jets - The Jets are kind of the little brother New York Team. It's fun to make fun of the Jets. They're usually worth making fun of. If you heard of the mythical, magical "Tebow" last season, you can find him on the Jets now. Enjoy the show.
* Denver Broncos - A team I've always enjoyed, ever since they had quarterback John Elway back in the 80's and 90's. Now they have my Peyton Manning, so I like them even more. Probably the most interesting thing about Denver is their stadium - the city of Denver is literally one mile above sea level. The air is thinner. Kicked balls behave differently than they do in other cities. Crazy things happen at Mile High.
* Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City was once thought to be one of the toughest stadiums to play in. Their home fans are fantastic. However, they have struggled for a long time, so that crown may have passed (see Seattle farther down). To be honest... I don't know much about the Chiefs.
* Oakland Raiders - Their home stadium is known as "the black hole". I find Raiders fans terrifying. For those not as familiar with American geography, Oakland is right next to San Francisco, connected by the Golden Gate Bridge. But the two communities are very different. Oakland has something of a more, shall we say, 'thuggish' reputation. The Raiders are another team that's been rather miserable to follow for awhile.
* San Diego Chargers - Quite possibly the best uniforms in the league. Also known for being chronically slow starting, chronically underachieving, and in my opinion, a little unlikeable. I've heard several people say that their coach should have been fired several years ago, and yet here he is. I enjoy watching them collapse, but I'm a bad person.
* Chicago Bears - A very old, very popular team famous for it's defense. For years, YEARS they could not find a quarterback (like, they still reference their best quarterback as being a dude who played in the 1940's). Now, they may have finally found a guy - Jay Cutler, who I've referenced several times on this blog as being most fun to watch when things are going badly. Also their coach is named "Lovie" and is just as huggable as he sounds.
* Detroit Lions - A cursed franchise! I enjoy a good franchise curse. Has the curse finally been broken? Too early to tell. But they're a team who plays dirty and is having trouble being unlikeable at the moment, so I'd give that curse at least a little more time.
* Green Bay Packers - A very, very old team in a very, very small town. One of the premier teams in the league. Their fans in Northern Wisconsin are known as "cheeseheads" because the area is famous for its dairy farms. Arguably the best player in the league right now is Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers. I'd pick the Packers to win the championship this year.
* Minnesota Vikings - Another tortured fanbase! I don't recall the entire sad history, but I do know that two seasons ago their stadium roof collapsed under the weight of too much snow (the stadium was empty at the time) and their best player, a running back, is recovering from a torn ACL (knee injury). Another team rumored to possibly move to Los Angeles. At one time or another, every team has been rumored to be moving to Los Angeles. It's like a threat: Shape up or we'll move you to Los Angeles!!
* Atlanta Falcons - I don't know what it is about Atlanta, but their teams in all sports are always pretty good, and I still see them a blobs of beige. I apologize to Atlanta fans, but I know nothing about your teams and I have trouble even feeling bad about it. The best I've got is "Their quarterback is nicknamed 'Matty Ice' for reasons that aren't clear."
* Carolina Panthers - a relatively new team that lost to the Patriots a few years back during a Super Bowl best known for Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction. And now they have young quarterback sensation Cam Newton, which means just last year they were bad enough to earn the number one draft pick.
* New Orleans Saints - I have a special place in my heart for this team. One, they have Drew Brees, who went to my college, has been an exemplary citizen, and is just really fun to watch. Two, the team and the city were devastated by Hurricane Katrina in 2005, and it's been nothing short of miraculous to see what they've done since then. Three, they were one of the worst teams in the league for, like, 40 years. Now, they're rather scandalized because their defense is accused of purposefully trying to injure opposing players and paying bonuses for it - but there seems to be some argument on whether there is actually any evidence to back up this claim. All I know is I still love 'em. I choose to believe it's not true, for now at least.
* Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Their stadium is shaped like a pirate ship and when they score, they shoot off cannons. What more do you really need to know? Okay, as a bonus, I give you retired player Terry Tate.
* Dallas Cowboys - Probably the most famous team in the league. They are the richest team, have the coolest stadium, and often the biggest soap opera dramas. Their owner Jerry Jones is arguably more famous than any of the players. The Cowboys are always in the mix, but lately they've consistently fallen short.
* New York Giants - I thoroughly enjoy the Giants. Anything can happen at any time. You can win the lottery, you can end up in jail - and you won't know which is happening until the very last minute. Ladies and gentlemen: your defending Super Bowl Champs! They've already lost a game they were expected to win; they've got us right where they want us!
* Philadelphia Eagles - Some of the meanest, most passionate fans in American sports. Seriously, these fans once booed Santa Claus. Philly (the City of Brotherly Love) is a tough, tough place to play. Last year, they assembled what some called a "dream team" of star players... and they didn't even make the playoffs. Par for the course.
* Washington Redskins - Our team in the nation's capital. I'm sure they've been good in the past, but not while I've been paying attention. Their new quarterback is a twenty-two year old kid named Robert Griffin the Third, who could have been a world class hurdler but instead trained for football. They call him "RG3." His backup is former Super Bowl quarterback Rex Grossman, who I've heard some Redskins fans call "RG2." That is hilarious.
* Arizona Cardinals - Annnd we've reached the NFC West division, which has been painful to watch for several years now. Umm... Arizona plays on real grass, even though their stadium has a roof. The grass is wheeled outside during the day to get natural light and then wheeled back inside for the games. So that's pretty good, right?
* San Francisco 49ers - A team with a very rich tradition. Lots and lots of wins. They had two hall of fame quarterbacks in a row (Joe Montana and Steve Young). A former dynasty team. Now, they have the chance to be great again - they came within a dropped ball or two of the Super Bowl last year.
* Seattle Seahawks - The Seahawks as a team don't have a ton of interesting history that I know of, but their fans are amazing. Their outdoor stadium was specially constructed to maximize crowd noise down on the field, making it nearly impossible for visiting teams to hear each other. The last time the Seahawks were in a playoff game, the crowd was so loud that it registered on the Richtor Scale. And, at least according to Sports Guy Bill Simmons, they are underrated.
* St. Louis Rams - About ten years ago, they were known as "the greatest show on turf" - a powerhouse championship team that could score any time they wanted. Now... well, now they're finishing at the bottom of the league pretty consistently and have the honor of traveling all the way to Wembley in London to most likely get pounded by the Patriots. Their championship players retired and moved on, and they just haven't been able to rebuild as of yet. Rams receiver Danny Amendola actually helped host the BBC's Super Bowl coverage last season. Based on this alone, I drafted Danny for my fantasy team. Don't let me down, Danny.
Well, that's plenty for a first installment. If you watch only one game this week, watch Denver vs Pittsburgh Sept 9th 8pm EST - Peyton Manning's first game back from multiple neck surgeries and a year-and-a-half away from football. He's a hero and a treasure and I purchased many kleenex boxes for the occasion. There will be emotions.
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